Reality Check // Apology Accepted

“Forgiveness is more than saying sorry.”—Samantha James from Just Friends
 While this may be a funny quote from a hilarious movie, it is actually so true.

I am going to be completely honest here. I am so not one to forgive. If Marcelo does something that I don’t like…UGH!!! I want to pull out my hair sometimes, but I don’t because I have nice hair. However, during those times of frustration and conflict, it is evident that there is discord in our relationship. I hate being the first one to apologize. That sounds terrible, I know. But, it is extremely accurate. I have gotten better over the past year, but I still struggle. We have sat down several times (much to my dismay) to talk about why I struggle with this. I am still trying to understand why, but I have found that mainly I want to be right all the time. It is just mere selfishness.

I want to do right by Marcelo, but I also like being right. We have reaped the consequences in our relationship when neither of us apologizes in a timely manner. Without apologies, our marriage is not in a good place. We’re unhappy or we aren’t growing together as a couple. Not to the extent that one associates with being unhappy in a marriage (i.e. separation or divorce). We always make sure we never go to bed angry {no matter how late the time gets}, we always kiss each other {because we never know when it may be our last}, and we always tell each other “I love you” {because we do}.

I was reading another blog when the writer used this verse, and it punched me right in the gut.

Created by Mary-Liz via WordSwag
I felt the conviction as I just sat in my chair and stared at the computer screen.

When I married Marcelo, I made the decision that I would love him…ALL of him until the day I die. That included the things that annoy me. But those things are so trivial compared to the meaning of our marriage. If I choose to nitpick everything he does, every single day, for the rest of our lives…I actually don’t want to know what would happen to our marriage, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t be good. It would end in disaster.

From this day forward, I will choose to better myself. I will not get mad over the stupid stuff, I will stop placing blame on him, and I will accept when I am wrong as hard as that is going to be. The thing is we are only 3 years into our marriage. We’ve just barely scratched the surface. I would never want him to grow bitter or angry toward me because I am stubborn. I want to forgive easily and be slow to anger. I want to affirm my husband and love him as I am meant to. My husband is just plain awesome and I want to show him that through my words and my actions. I aspire to be a good wife who has a compassionate heart, is kind, humble, meek, and patient.

The Convicted Wife

Marcelo, Me, and Little P in St. Simons

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