Confession // Baby Before Spouse

I must confess, sometimes I put Penelope before Marcelo.
Okay, fine! Most of the time, I put Penelope before Marcelo.
I am sure some of you will think that’s okay. Well, it is very much not okay with me. I am very in love with my husband; however, it is extremely hard to show him how much I love him. Having a baby means time with your spouse is extremely limited, and much of the focus goes to the baby.

I was talking with my fellow “new mommy” friend, Alli, and she agrees how hard it is to make time count with her husband as well. We talked about how our babies are so dependent on us. As mommies who breastfeed/pump, we are their source of food. Since they can’t walk yet, we are their way of travel around the house. When they cry, we are the ones that comfort them. Since they are only children {for right now anyway}, we are their playmates. Spending much time and energy with baby girl, I am sometimes “too tired” to spend whatever time and energy I have left with the hubs.

I am going to be so honest and transparent, I AM EXHAUSTED! I think I have gotten used to the fact that I will be tired for the rest of my life. On days that I am feeling extra tired and Marcelo does something that’s even the slightest bit dumb or annoying, I definitely take my frustration out on him. He 100% never deserves that. The reason I wanted to write this post was because I felt extremely guilty for putting my marriage on the back burner. I want to encourage others that just because you have a baby/babies doesn’t mean they come first, your marriage should come before your children.

I wanted to share some ways that parents can put their marriage in front of their children. (If you couldn’t already tell, I like lists.)
1. Let your child(ren) see how a marriage works. I want Penelope to see how much I love her daddy, and how much her daddy loves me. I want her to see that we work well together, that we pray together, that we go on dates, that we honor each other, that we encourage each other, and that we love her together. Putting Marcelo before Penelope will not depreciate the value of our love for her, but it will allow her to see how a Christ-centered marriage should be. Also, the better husband and wife we are, the better parents we can be to her.

2. Talk to your spouse. Super simple. Text each other sweet things during the day or have a date night every once in a while. It’s great to be able to have grown up conversations with the person you fell in love with. Sometimes just talking with Marcelo reminds me of why I fell in love with him in the first place. I am reminded of how smart he is, how sweet he is, how he makes me laugh, and how weird he is. I have said this before, I honestly like hearing about how his day went. I want to know if his work day was tough on him or as slow as molasses. That matters to me because he matters to me. It’s fun for me to hear his stories.

3. Kiss in front of your kids. Oh my lanta did I ever think that was gross when I was younger when I saw my parents kissing. Looking back, I am so thankful my parents kissed in front of me. It means they still loved each other and didn’t care if we saw. They affirmed their marriage in front of me and my brother by kissing. Don’t be afraid to show that affection in front of your kids. I have a feeling they will be grateful one day, just like I am.

4. Show appreciation for chores and the extras. I don’t know about you, but I love feeling appreciated for the things I do around the house on my days off while Marcelo is working. There are some days that I don’t get to certain chores because Penelope is having a “hold me” day, or I have at least 30 minutes while she is taking a nap so I have to delegate which chore is more important to accomplish. I am not going to lie, I am much better at receiving appreciation for what I do, than I am showing appreciation for what Marcelo does. So, I will be working on that.

5. Remind your spouse they are significant. There is a reason they are called your significant other. Having significance means that something is important or is worthy of attention. I believe that a spouse is extremely significant. Marcelo is deserving of my attention. I don’t want him to feel insignificant or unloved. That would just be disrespectful to him. The last thing would ever want is for Marcelo to be resentful and angry because he felt insignificant in his marriage. Invest in each other’s significance.

Marriage is hard. It’s even harder with a baby. With that being said, I will work that much harder to make my marriage better on a daily basis.


Love each other,
Mama E


One thought on “Confession // Baby Before Spouse

  1. So true! The first few months after our baby was born were really difficult, especially because I was the primary caretaker for our daughter. It was hard for my husband to feel included so he didn’t try. I, in turn, felt like he didn’t want to try and that closed me off even more. Somewhere in there it got fixed and now that she’s almost two, it’s hard to remember those first days when I felt lonely and like I was spouseless, even if he was physically near me. Now baby #2 is due in a few months and I feel I’m much better equipped to deal with the changes that will be coming, as well as having the capability to both tend to my children and my spouse. Thanks for writing this! And thanks for working on keeping your marriage at the top of your list. We need more good marriages! 🙂

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